When it comes to actually shopping for toys, doing it as a couple can help you both feel more comfortable. “If you both have never tried kinky toys, then making a date of it can be a great way to introduce them,” says sex educator and pleasure expert Javay Frye-Nekrasova. “You can visit sex shops together or shop online together.” This way, you’re less likely to get something that your partner finds terrifying rather than thrilling.
Finally, although disclosing your kinks can bring up a lot of internalized shame and stigma for some people, remember that kink is actually quite normal: Studies estimate that about a third of the population has tried kink in some form or another, and even more people have fantasized about it. “Don’t preface [your request] with saying, ‘This is so crazy, and I’m so weird.’ Just confidently say what you’d like to try and what you’re into,” Zane suggests. “And if they’re not into it, don’t feel rejected. Don’t try to change their mind. Gracefully accept their boundary and try to find a middle ground of something you’d both be interested in exploring.” This might be easier said than done, but remember that there are plenty of kinks you can explore solo—such as sensation play, using nipple clamps, and some types of rope bondage—if your partner’s not into it, or if you don’t have (or don’t want) a partner.
Types of kinky toys
By its very nature, there are almost infinite ways to do kink – and so there’s an almost infinite variety of toys out there that can be used in kinky ways, from handmade leather cuffs to wooden spoons to electrostimulation wands. But broadly speaking, some of the main types of kink toys include:
Impact implements: “Impact play” is a term for all kink activities that involve hitting somebody with something. This can include spanking, flogging, slapping, and more. Implements made for impact play, such as paddles and floggers, make it easier to dole out more pain for longer without hurting your hand. Plus, they provide different sensations than a hand can. When shopping for impact toys, make sure you get something that has no sharp edges or raised seams, with a handle you’ll be able to hold onto securely.
Bondage toys: Lots of people find it exciting to be restrained, so there are plenty of products made for exactly that purpose. Wrist and ankle cuffs are some of the most common, but there are also thigh cuffs, collars, bondage tape, bondage rope, and more. The most important thing to look for in bondage toys is a fit that’s secure but not too tight – you should always leave enough slack that you’re able to fit at least two fingers between your skin and the restraint, to prevent cutting off circulation.
Sensation play toys: The term “sensation play” encompasses pain, pleasure, and more. Some of the simplest sensation-play tools can be found in your own home—it can be surprisingly hot to “torture” someone by dragging an ice cube over their skin, for instance, or to pinch someone’s skin with clothespins—but there are also purpose-specific kink toys available if you’re into this type of play. Wartenberg wheels and feather ticklers are common examples.
The Best Bondage Collar: Kookie Bondage Collar
Material: Leather and metal
How to use: Fasten the collar around your neck (or your partner’s), leaving two fingers’ worth of space between the leather and your skin for safety’s sake. Never pull too hard on the collar, as this could result in choking.
